Healing Hurts
Relationships are funny things. Some are fragile and break from small, simple things while others withstand and hold steady against insurmountable odds.
Like many, I have a few broken relationships. While the easy route is to point blame at the other party, the truth is that I need to look at my part, too. Taking responsibility to make amends from my end is what I am accountable for. I know I am unable to control the response of someone else and I also know my response is within my control.
So relationships are relational. Each individual brings their own unique perspective and life experience with them.
Why is this important? If there is a breakdown, can you review what you learned and or what you would do differently next time? Was the breakdown over a particular event or did it occur over time?
Have any assumptions been made?
Since it takes two to tango, if you dig deep, how did you contribute to its breakdown?
What can you do next time?
Would you do anything different?
What can you let go? What can you see that no longer serves you or the relationship? Can you just choose now, to let it go?
How about writing a forgiveness letter to yourself first? Then write one to the other party. Then burn them to release that energy.
In your current relationships perhaps you can learn from your past to:
Get clear about why you are in the relationship
Communicate better and more often. This means using active listening skills. Can you listen so well that you can “feel” the experience from their perspective? Ask questions to clarify and not assume. What I mean by not assuming is asking questions so you’re comparing apples to apples. If you hear “apple” don’t assume it’s a MacIntosh instead ask what kind because they might be thinking Granny Smith.
Keep moving forward. Identify your own hurts, and rather than point the finger with the “you did xyz”, move forward and ask for what you want: “I’m hurt and what I want is abc”.
Hurts, disappointments, and regrets stem from a perspective of expecting a different outcome. One can live in them or learn from them and move on.
I’ve realized that a relationship takes the willingness of two parties. If one party reaches out and the other doesn’t engage, one can sit in wonderment, take it personally or let it go and move forward in life. If the relationship is important to both individuals, the two parties can often find a way through. One of the best ways I’ve seen this it through “heart talk”. We seem to find the time if it’s important. If it’s not, move on. Keep creating the best version of you. A fabulous resource is the new free book I contributed a chapter to on Building Roadmaps, available through my website called Successful Life, Successful Marriages. Download now and apply the wisdom of 47 experts in transformational leadership.