For many years, especially pre-internet, in retrospect my own progress was slowed somewhat by not asking for help. That's self-judgement to be sure and life unfolds no matter what. However, if I can shed some light to help others facilitate themselves more efficiently, then I figure that's a good thing to share. When I got stuck and didn’t ask for help it was because when I did, I felt others would see me as not being smart or needy. Whether real or imagined, it was important for me to be independent, look smart, not make mistakes-ever (which of course I have). Now I know I am very capable … [Read more...]
Supported or not – who is in your life?
Sometimes we have others in our lives who do not support our growth. List 3 or more people who’d like to keep you just as you are. Perhaps they’d not support your big ideas, dreams and aspirations. 1) 2) 3) How can you ask them to support you in an empowering way? What have they taught you so far about yourself, relationships or life? Something will be there, even if it is discerning what you might not want. If they truly do not support you, might it be time to let them go? If so, when? While it might be uncomfortable, deep down I believe the other party already knows they are not helping. Who … [Read more...]
Big Problems Stem from Small Errors of Judgement
I was noodling about the illness-salutogenesis spectrum and it struck me that so many things in my life, and I suspect yours too, stem from small errors of judgement that we repeat over and over. Illness, divorce, Enron, decisions in our own business... In each scenario I ran, rarely did something big or negative happen out of the blue. Usually there were decisions made that while small at the time took me down a different road. Those decisions when cumulative ended up with something that couldn’t be ignored; a “bigger problem”. Let’s take illness. We know the chronic health conditions of our … [Read more...]
Let Me Tell You What You Need from Coaching
Oh my! Really? I just read an email basically telling me what I should want from a coach. While it had a few things I agreed with, I was fascinated by the approach of telling the consumer (me) what they needed and how they were going to get it. Now if this was a consulting firm, perhaps I would have been happier, but it wasn’t. It was however a great example of defining true coaching, or at least the co-operative model of coaching (or as Whitworth et al coined “Co-Active” Coaching). Yes, one should expect certain things from a coach like integrity, privacy, confidentiality, preparedness, … [Read more...]
Salutogenesis: The Secret of Positive Change
"The Secret of Change is to focus all of your energy, not on fighting the old but on building the new" ~ Socrates. It is my experience that we create and see more of something depending on what we focus on. If I ask you to think of a red car, it will pop into your mind. If I ask you to NOT think of a red car, well my bet is another red car just popped into your mind. What if I ask you to think about a blue bus, does your focus change? Yes, you are now visualizing a blue bus. In September, I attended a seminar on "Adaptability" in Chicago with much of the conversation focused on changing … [Read more...]
Do You Need Fixing?
Unlike Humpty-Dumpty we don't break. Well, I guess we do when we fall off a wall that’s high enough. Recently, in my discussions with other coaches, the concept of people who need "fixing" came up. I offered a different opinion in that people aren’t broken. If we see ourselves as in need of fixing, most often it’s in comparison to someone or something else which is external to us. As one of my clients put it, "When I do not measure up, something must be wrong with me." If we see ourselves as broken, we only see the faults. I am not sure how seeing faults can move anyone into an energy rich … [Read more...]
The Value of the “Check-In”
Over the past year, all of my workshops and seminars now contain a common element – checking-in right now to see what we’re feeling or sensing in our body. In all of my workshops, I ask that we bring our awareness inward to the here and now. As I see it, running our day-to-day programs via habits, mental patterns, and behaviors are pretty much operated through the limbic system of the brain. This area controls much of what we do. When we run on autopilot, we are not as "self-aware" as we perhaps could be or would like to be. With a check-in, we tune into our awareness and gauge what we are … [Read more...]
“Someday”
I'm reading a book and dissecting the contents with a couple of other well known coaches. As we moved into studying the second chapter, not much really stood out to me, as I am one who commits and follows through on what I say I'm going to do. One word in the chapter did stand out! Yes, one word in the chapter stood out like a thorn in my toe. The word "someday." As I began to think about it I realized I had stumbled upon an opportunity to reset some areas of my life. "Someday" I'll get round to dropping those 10 pounds. "Someday" I’ll go through those old family photo albums with my … [Read more...]
Life as C.h.a.o.s.
When you experience life changing events it feels somewhat chaotic, yes? Sometimes it feels like falling into a gaping void – navigating through a place we’ve never been before. We bring with us our beliefs (real or imagined), judgments (how we feel things should be), and of course our emotions. Think of an experience in your life that was chaotic: What did you feel? What led you through it? In retrospect, could you have done something different if you had the wherewithal at the time? In my experience, when severe life changing stress occurs, in that moment we are not creative. Not only are … [Read more...]
Chaos
Ever notice how life-changing events show up initially as chaos – it shows up as an illness, divorce, job change, loss of a loved one? Even cancer shows up as uncontrolled cellular growth: Chaotic as I see it in my experience. I am not proud of how I've dealt with some life events. Quite frankly, I've embarrassed myself a few times. What I've found though, is when I'm under stress we are really not in our right minds. We are in survival mode - fight or flight - which is not the best state for making choices or decisions. We’re reactive and become emotionally charged, inconsiderate, and … [Read more...]