Can’t is a 4-letter word because like many of the 4-letter varieties, it declares something to ourselves and also to others. I call it a closer, since there is not much that can be said after it’s spoken. How can we argue with can’t?
When we say can’t we are really reducing our responsibility in whatever endeavour we’re applying it to. Do we want to give up our power? What’s even worse is when we personalize it with an I:
I can’t get this job done
I can’t get the kids’ meals on the table on time
I can’t workout 5 days per week
I can’t lose those 10 pounds
I can’t make a relationship work
I can’t do/be/have x,y,z, because… [fill in the excuse, justification]
Many years ago I worked at replacing can’t with other words like won’t or choose not to. However the 4-letter monster crept back in like a weed. It was insidious. I’d not been tending my garden with full awareness and rather than continually planting flowers, I allowed weeds to grow. Can’t is a weed that roots long tentacles. It is hard to pull out when it creeps in. We lose our personal power when it’s spoken. Choking our energy, it gives us an excuse to not take full responsibility for our actions, wants or habits. Can’t hides from us exactly what we need to be facing.
When I caught myself with a number of can’ts in a row – I was shocked. With more awareness it has been pulled with a minor infraction here and there. When I catch myself about to say the “word which will no longer be mentioned” I hit the delete button. On occasion I verbally say, “cancel that”, and replace it with what I really mean – choose not to or won’t. What was also helpful was asking friends to blatantly point out to me if they heard the “word that will not be mentioned” uttered between my lips.
So try on a won’t or a choose not to.
Feel the personal power you have from removing can’t from your vocabulary. It may feel a little disconcerting or uncomfortable, but hey, growth often feels that way. Ask a buddy to lovingly remind you if they hear the “word that will not be mentioned” crossing your lips. Begin with one day, then make it two, then a week. Celebrate success if you’ve achieved it.
What has any of this got to do with the Best Version of You?
We are what we think. We either increase or reduce our self-esteem and self-worth through our internal talk, with powerful autosuggestions in each moment of each day. The more awareness we place on language, which is the result of thought, the more awareness we place on our thoughts. This gets us to really look at who we are, and support where we want to go. Well, that’s a good thing!
Pull the weeds. When you do, then more flowers will and CAN grow.
Love to hear how this is working for you. Let me know by leaving a comment on Facebook at: http://www.facebook.com/bestversionofyou